Omnime

Well yesterday was substantially better food wise and this morning I weighed 142.  Who knows.  I can only assume my period will arrive soon. 

Last night when Scott and I were walking to the Tomato Head for supper we saw a friend of ours sitting at the patio of a bar drinking with a friend.  As we got closer to him and waved hello he said hello to Scott and to me he said:

ARE YOU WITH CHILD?

Am I with child!?!???  Um NO.  I am NOT with child.  And he asked if I was “with child” not just pregnant. But I answered him politely and just said no.  Here’s what I wanted to say:

NO I’M NOT WITH CHILD, I’M JUST A FAT ASS!

But alas I did not say this.  I refrained and instead watched as he squirmed in embarrassment.  Little did he know how much I was squirming with all consuming humiliation and self loathing.  He apologized and back peddled saying, “That style of dress, the high waist, you know…”

Yeah - I know.

When we got to the restaurant I was reduced to tears and took off for the bathroom so I wouldn’t make a scene at the table.   Even when I recovered slightly I felt like I was going to start sobbing any minute the whole time we were there.  Anyhow - I had a spinach salad.  Just a small bowl of spinach with a few shredded carrots.  No dressing except a taste on my fork.  Needless to say at that point I didn’t have a trace of an appetite.  Good I guess. 

Today we’re taking my mom out for her birthday.  Fortunately for me she chose Olive Garden - something I can research on-line.  Looks like I’m having one bowl of Minestrone for 160 calories and a forkfull of birthday cake.  The rest of the day I’ve had my usual yoghurts and apple, strawberry and a few pumpkin seeds but a little less of everything to save room.  I have to admit that I’m pretty hungry but I’m learning to be friends with the hunger pangs.   I’ve learned to treat the hunger as a good sign.  I must be getting somewhere - right? 

 I feel like I’m waxing crazy.  Yes I’m very frustrated - not at this moment and not even today but generally.  And this being the case I have to say that I hope no one is looking at me as a CRON roll model.  I am most certainly not and nor do I want to be.  That’s April’s domain.  I openly admit that I have more than my fair share of food issues - mix that with the bipolar disorder and - well - I’m just not anyone to emulate…. (just in case someone is reading this and getting any ideas).  You know who you are - go read April’s Blog!

But what I’m saying about CRON at this point is that I’m trying as best I can to eat all the right things in the right amount and to weigh and measure…. I do this - really … and I’m very concerned with nutrition, not so much for longevity but because I don’t want to look and feel like crap.  In the past when I got very slim I looked sick and gaunt.  I’m not about that right now.  At the same time though I am definitely putting more emphasis on the weight loss side it.  Also, I have noticed that I feel much better physically and emotionally since I’ve been attempting CRON.  I might not have lost any weight - but I feel better and that counts for something.  I’ve also been enjoying learning about nutrition in general.  It all makes perfect sense. 

So I feel grounded. 

I have to split but here’s yesterday’s crunch:

Nutrition Summary for June 16, 2007